[FREE download!] STUCK in the comparison trap? 🙋
I've really worked at staying in my own lane this year.
I wouldn't say I previously intentionally sought out ways to inject every day with anguish, but I was mentally ~involved~ with a lot.
Someone would talk about the deadlift they crushed, and I'd be wildly happy for them, and also think, "if only I hadn't hurt my hip, they'd celebrate with me, too."
Someone would post something super wise, and I'd think, "that was a great idea, and it was articulated far better than the jumbled swirl in my mind."
Someone would discuss all the things they got done, and I'd be impressed at their ability to launch 17 things and also think, "I wish I worked that way; I can take a long time to work."
By virtue of my profession and where it takes place (on the interwebz, largely), I constantly see people that seem to be firing on all cylinders, operating on some system I've felt I hadn't figured out, who know all the secrets and cracked all the codes and can package it all as actionable tips and 10-step structures.
⚡️ Comparison: we know we shouldn't, and we ALL do it anyway.⚡️
It's lovely to sit around and talk about how comparison is the thief of joy, and it is. What are the above thoughts doing for me, other than making me feel like shit about myself and celebrate others less fervently?
But, often, I find, knowing that we, "shouldn't" do something isn't enough to make us *actually* stop doing it.
Part of the reason I decided to work at ditching comparison was, honestly, I don't believe most people operate well on a comeback sentiment, at least not sustainably, despite the prevalence of this scrappy fighter narrative (don't you get tired of being scrappy? I do).
I work with a lot of womxn who are super ambitious and super successful.
You didn't get there by accident: you've worked hard, assessed situations, made to-do lists and crushed them all, accepting the accolades between your teeth, because your hands are busy doing the next 74 things you've got cooking.
The second you begin a new project, or renew your vigor for a long-standing one (e.g., "to get in shape"), you look around to see what others who have succeeded before you have done, and INSTANTLY see how your efforts stack up.
Makes sense, right? That's what you do: you figure out what you don't yet know.
And yet, so many of us stop there:
We see what we, "should," be doing (and aren't), feel like trash, try harder with the things we know how to do (that haven't worked), and double down on comparison and shame.
Staying in your own lane is hard, because it means breaking up with habits, creature comforts, and sometimes people that can easily pull you out of it.
It can feel isolating and scary, because you know what you’ve done hasn’t worked, but it seems like everyone else is doing it, and it IS working for them, so what are you supposed to do? Not ask how they did it? Cut off all communication and be a total jerk that seems mysterious but is really just afraid? No way. That’s not you. Right?
If you’re trying to feel better in your body in a way that doesn’t involve magic tricks from magazines, a child-sized amount of calories in a day, or hours on the treadmill, I understand it can feel challenging, and lonely.
That’s why I wrote up 9 of the strategies I use to help my clients forge their own path and start feeling better in their bodies immediately, for FREE, and I'd love for you all to have it!