How (One Way) to Say No
[*note: this is pulled from a recent Instagram post, which is not normally how this goes (usually, I expand, offer nuance, add shades of meaning, and all sorts of things in here). This week, however, I received some DMs and had delightful conversations on this topic, so I wanted to share here, with you, the tightest circle in Strong by Steph land, in case you hadn't caught it.]
ABOUT THIS EXPRESSION I MAKE:
100% of the time, I adopt this hands-under-chin situation when I have just delivered information that is likely unwelcome and/or at least slightly uncomfortable to its target.
This being the circumstance, I could not be more thrilled my friend Jen captured this on film, at our weekly #neighborhoodworkoutgroup.
ITEMS THAT HAVE PRECEDED THIS POSE:
⚡ "I can't do that for you."
⚡ "This is hypocritical."
⚡ "I need more support."
⚡ "Do you see how this is problematic (fatphobic, racist, misogynistic things have all made appearances here)?"
⚡ "This is out of alignment with my values."
⚡ "I disagree."
⚡ "🎶 nooooo 🎶" (in song)
(The context for many of these situations is wonderfully sticky, nuanced, and sassy conversation, as most of the things I'm into often are. Other stories for other days.)
All statements good to practice saying, particularly in a culture urging us, as womxn (the marginalized experience to which I can speak directly, but, for sure, this is exponentially compounded for others), to be quiet, to acquiesce, to carry the burden, to solve and fix and nurture.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
You're allowed to have a say.
If you needed someone else's permission, here's mine, sassy hip/hand under chin to your pseudo-adversary included.
How does this relate to wellness (because that's what many of you are here for, no?)?
YOU are in charge of your body, and of your life.
My job as a coach, as I see it, is to help you uncover what it is that you stand for, who it is that you already are, and give you the space to live into the biggest, boldest version of that.
That's about more than any number one can measure.
It's about your inherent worthiness, your innate strength, about what happens when you're given the space to stop thinking your body is a problem to be solved and start living like you have the right to do so, exactly as you are.
Before I started lifting?
I was afraid of, "no," in song or otherwise.
I felt I had to earn the right to assert boundaries by presenting a perfect argument with a perfect body.
If I packaged it just right, only then would I be worthy of respect.
That is a lie.
You can (and I’d encourage you to) take up space in your body and life as you see fit.
I hope you're enjoying your week, expanding, growing, strengthening, listening, learning, all of it.