All tagged boundaries

How (One Way) to Say No


100% of the time, I adopt this hands-under-chin situation when I have just delivered information that is likely unwelcome and/or at least slightly uncomfortable to its target.

This being the circumstance, I could not be more thrilled my friend Jen captured this on film, at our weekly #neighborhoodworkoutgroup.


⚡ "I can't do that for you."
⚡ "This is hypocritical."
⚡ "I need more support."
⚡ "Do you see how this is problematic (fatphobic, racist, misogynistic things have all made appearances here)?"
⚡ "This is out of alignment with my values."
⚡ "I disagree."
⚡ "No."
⚡ "🎶 nooooo 🎶" (in song)

(The context for many of these situations is wonderfully sticky, nuanced, and sassy conversation, as most of the things I'm into often are. Other stories for other days.)

All statements good to practice saying, particularly in a culture urging us, as womxn (the marginalized experience to which I can speak directly, but, for sure, this is exponentially compounded for others), to be quiet, to acquiesce, to carry the burden, to solve and fix and nurture.

A Better Path to Self-Care for the Holidays

Loving yourself looks different for everyone, and it's important you find what it looks like for you.

For some, it's strength training. It can be meditating. It can be yoga. It can be cooking. It can be your favorite show on Netflix. It can be a manicure and a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Those acts of self-care are important parts of loving yourself, for sure, but this picture is not complete. The ultimate act of loving yourself, in my opnion — the one ring to rule them all, if you will — is to protect your energy.

How to Stay Cool This Summer

When we've put in this work, we develop a solid sense of self: we know where we end and where others begin. We stop picking up energy, trauma, and problems that we cannot resolve (we can move through our own trauma: feel it, find its roots, and break it down. We can't do that with that of another, because we will never know the full story). We mind our own business, so to speak, and we step into a powerful experience.

We are not at the mercy of others’ powerful emotions. Not always easy, especially not in emotionally-charged situations, but becomes easier with work over time.

The best way I’ve gotten familiar with these delineations is by tuning in and making sure I’m accurately describing the granular aspects of my emotions: not just sad, but despondent, or heartbroken, or disappointed. Not just angry, but confused, or irritated, or downright irate.

There are layers to ourselves, and the sooner we know where we are and that to which we aspire, the sooner we can maintain our vibe in the face of whatever is to come.


The holidays are coming up. Everyone's favorite time.

And, let's face it, even more so than last year, this might be a tough season for you, if your friends and/or family members aren't on the same political or social (or any -al) page as you are.

Everyone tries to deny the tension, pretend like it's not there, or (my personal favorite) make a sassy statement that explodes into World War whatevernumberwereonnow. We often white-knuckle our way through holidays, gritting our teeth and forgetting to enjoy the time of joy, gratitude, and community (some of our favorite things!).

Survive the Holidays: Set Some Boundaries; Choose to Love (always).

It’s the week before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring…except whoever’s doing the cooking (and any last-minute packers, like me.).

Visiting friends and family for the holidays can be a stressful affair for many. I wanted to write about love and boundaries: topics that will be helpful to keep in mind during the all-but-inevitable holiday conflict (hey, when a bunch of people who’ve known each other all their lives get together, some buttons are bound to get pushed).

So, step one in smoother holidays: choose to love. ALWAYS. Even when you get called crazy. Or when your aunt says that super-offensive thing that has you thinking, “HOW ARE WE EVEN RELATED??” Or when your dad burns the pie. Or whatever else really grinds your gears. Choose to give the benefit of the doubt. Choose to remain unoffended. Choose to still think of that person as a flawed, unique, good-hearted individual. Choose to love.