Are You Hiding? 👀👀 (One Shift to See More Progress Instantly)
A quick love note I wrote last year:
We live in a culture that tells us we're supposed to be small, submissive, silent, second.
We're expected to deflect every compliment by saying our accomplishments are nothing, “no big deal.”
We're urged to eschew carbs or fat or sugar or anything else that doesn't serve to make us smaller.
We're only allowed self-care as a means to take care of others better.
We're obligated to worry about getting bulky, too big, or too muscular.
What's so wrong with wanting to get big? Why can't we take care of ourselves because we're worth being loved on? Why can't we agree with a compliment? Are we not allowed to be really, unabashedly proud of ourselves?
We put in work. We show up. We come through. We do our best. We make magic.
Why hide it?
Which is a lovely thought to consider: we’re all these big, powerful, multitudinous forces, under the surface, imprisoned by nothing but our thoughts. That’s true for some of us, and others of us are kept in hiding by bigger forces making it unsafe to show the whole of who we are. It’s worth considering why any one of us isn’t allowing our full selves to shine; I’d imagine, if we pull on these threads, we’re playing roles we didn’t necessarily choose and staying in them most of all because it’s easy to do so, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
How do we get from keeping our heads down, hiding away, playing our parts to the bold, unapologetic, magical mermaids we are? Some common advice is to, “fake it ‘itl you make it.”
I’m not big on, “fake it ‘til you make it,” because that feels really…cheesy and inauthentic to me.
I AM big on, “be it until you believe it:” the notion that we can practice being the person we aspire to be, and practice doing so so many times, until we are.
Language is important to me. I believe calling your efforts “fake” until they’re not undermines the powerful work you’re donig right now. It’s not easy to ask these questions, to challenge these cultural ideas, to discover who you are, both light and dark.
As we speak, you are bringing into existence the future you who is kind and compassionate to her body and to all bodies, allowing herself to explore and figure things out, who knows that she is worthy of respect and access and whatever else she damn well pleases, regardless of the size, shape, or appearance of her body, all by practicing self-compassion, exploration, and affirmation of self-worth.
If you see yourself head down the shame spiral as you're checking the mirror one last time before your work day begins, recognize it, and decide, “no, actually, I can see a shoulder pop in there! It might not be my best body image day, but I’m going to put on this dress I like, get ready, stand up straight, and give that killer presentation anyway, even if I’m feeling a little afraid and insecure,” and then, you know, do it, you’ll see that you can do the thing (even if you’re doing it a little bit afraid), and not die while doing it (and probably that no one even noticed your socks didn’t match).
When you see that, and begin to realize that what you have to offer the world is entirely independent of the vessel in which it arrives, the body image demons start to quiet down.
Slowly but surely, you give yourself permission to focus on the other stuff you’re here to do (you do know you’re here to do more than present a beautiful body, yes?).
You can come out of hiding. 👀👀