All tagged self love

Why I Don't Believe in the, "No Excuses" Movement

When I decided to become a coach, I realized, first and foremost, this sort of trust was vital to the success of everyone involved: if I can't humble myself enough to listen—deeply and fully—or to understand that at any given moment you may be having an entirely different experience and perception of our interaction and/or environment than I do (and believe you about your experience), then am I really being of service?

Am I really helping you along with your goals?
Does this change when your goals are different from my goals?
Or when they're different from the goals other people have, or have had in the past?

Seems quite basic, when you put it that way, but I haven't always hit the mark, and I find time and again, as I both get to know coaches further and have hired some myself, we could all use work, here. Not being understood seems to be a common experience of the human condition, especially in fitness.

If You're Tired of Trying to, "Love Your Flaws," You're Not Alone. There's More to This.

We won't be talking about, "loving your flaws," here, for quite a few reasons, but perhaps the most universal one?

I don't think that's a goal you really have, when we get down to it.

I don't think it would make you feel good to pick on some body part you've been told needs to be fixed, agonize in the mirror over it every morning to keep it top of mind all the time, only buy clothes that cover it up, and somehow be totally hype about it anyway.

It doesn't make sense.
Marketing to you that way is dishonest, IMO.

How I Start My Morning

Your alarm goes off, and you blearily rub your eyes as the mechanical beep (or, you know, the sounds of The Rock Clock) ring in your ears.

It's still dark outside. You're dreading putting your feet on the cold floor, but the bills don't pay themselves, so you swing around, hunt for your slippers (you missed one, so now you're awake), and head to the bathroom.

As you brush your teeth, you look in the mirror and take in your presence for the first time today.

What do you say to yourself?

How Do You Care for Yourself?

Loving yourself looks different for everyone, and it's important you find what it looks like for you.

For some, it's strength training. It can be meditating. It can be yoga. It can be cooking. It can be your favorite show on Netflix. It can be a manicure and a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Those wonderfully-Instagrammable acts of self-care are important parts of loving yourself, for sure, but this picture is not complete. The ultimate act of loving yourself, imo — the one ring to rule them all, if you will — is to protect your energy.

The Difference Between Self-Love and Self-Acceptance

A distinction between self-love and self-acceptance:

#selflove is trending, for good reason: we deserve to feel safe, nurtured, and adored in our own arms. We're entitled to butterflies in our stomachs when we behold ourselves in all of our glory (and I'd encourage you to take time to do so regularly. #alwaysbefeelinyourself).

But if you're constantly pinching yourself in the mirror to focus on what doesn't measure up, self love can feel 45648 miles away.

The Scale Isn't Always a Measure of Progress.

It's Monday morning, and many of us have had our day ruined already by a digital signal flashing up at us from the bathroom floor, reminding us how much mass we have and, therefore, how much space we're allowed to take up in the world. We seem to have a sort of inverse relationship with this number: the larger it is, the more we feel called to shrink.

Rather than letting that determine what we deserve every week, we'd be wise to remember that we’re in these bodies for life, and they (WE!) are so much more than measurements and numbers.

Waiting for the Right Time?

I had a coach who repeated a refrain that has stuck with me since I was 12: “quitting during training only makes it easier to quit when it counts. All you’re doing is practicing quitting when things get hard.”

I’m not sure I got the depth of that message when I was 12, but it’s been reinforced countless times in the 17-plus years since.

Quitting during training only makes it easier to quit when it counts.

Waiting to get started on our goals until "the right time" only makes us better at waiting.

Putting ourselves last on our to-do lists only makes us better at neglecting ourselves.

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE

The holidays are coming up. Everyone's favorite time.

And, let's face it, even more so than last year, this might be a tough season for you, if your friends and/or family members aren't on the same political or social (or any -al) page as you are.

Everyone tries to deny the tension, pretend like it's not there, or (my personal favorite) make a sassy statement that explodes into World War whatevernumberwereonnow. We often white-knuckle our way through holidays, gritting our teeth and forgetting to enjoy the time of joy, gratitude, and community (some of our favorite things!).

Why Quitting Gets Easy

We've trained not to go in, do what we need to do to create love and peace and safety for ourselves, and then go about our lives, but to drop everything for everyone and leave ourselves last, depleted, and rejected (by ourselves, no less!). No wonder that even though many of us have an inner child screaming for attention (or a blanky and a nap), s/he gets easier to ignore every time. We're pros.

Before we continue, I’d like to point out that the scale isn’t always a measure of our progress. So many of us wrap our worth up in that number (been there), and it’s a far more fun (and lasting!) process to realize that we’re in these bodies for life. Fitness, whatever that may mean to each of us individually, is about exploration: we’re learning what movement we love, what foods serve us, how we can balance rest/relaxation/exercise/food to yield the greatest – and biggest! – possible life. Much like Mother Teresa, Wonder Woman didn’t sit around worrying about the size of her thighs; she had shit to do (and probably wanted them to be huge anyway). And so do you. So, before we go into what many of us worry about, I’d like to take a moment to pause, reflect, and get to the bottom of what we say we want: is our body change about feeling good, or about some arbitrary number we think will lead us to happiness, once we get there?

Nailing down the real reasons for our goals will help us sort out this dissonance- promise.

Knowing that I can choose be happy right this second, despite my circumstances, allows me to be grateful for all opportunities to improve. Knowing that I can choose to accept my body while still wanting it to change allows me to relax into the process and take an objective look about my methods.

Knowing that what I’m trying to do is feel more energetic, and certain foods make me feel bloated and tired, will help me to avoid those foods (dairy, nightshades, gluten, whichever potential allergen) to choose not the pizza (full of all 3, coincidentally) but a turkey burger instead. It doesn’t feel like deprivation (“I’m trying to get skinny, so I can’t have pizza” is a sad, sad statement.) but a benefit (because, “I’m trying to not feel like a beached whale every time I eat something I enjoy and would rather find something that I can enjoy and feel normal afterwards” is a much more fun mission). Hence, the exercise here: getting to the nitty gritty.

#WonderWomanLoading

I say, “I lift heavy shit” all the time, and it’s true. But I don’t just mean a physical external load. We’ve all overcome quite a few things to get to where we are, and it’s all heavy. Having the mentality that we aren’t teeny tiny mice who are here by chance, but as a consequence of our strength, changes everything. We get to choose to take up the space we’re allotted and then create more. In the gym, in our relationships, in life. #WonderWomanLoading is the motto ‘round these parts.