All in coaching
Is that what you genuinely want? Do you want the jean size, or do you want the ease and freedom that comes with not worrying about your body? Are you measuring your worth by your inherent power, or is your worth wrapped up in your appearance?
Are you chasing something you really want and a lifestyle that would accentuate and nurture your magic?
Or are you buying into a path our culture says is the key to happiness, without realizing that it's already in you?
When I began my career in fitness, I essentially crawled into the gym for my first day after spending a week drinking on the beach to celebrate my college graduation.
I knew I was passionate about wellness, about how our bodies move, and about how things fit together. I knew I wanted to walk out a journey as a person much like the average gym goer: not looking to compete in a physique show or be the next great Crossfit sensation, but just looking to look a little better, feel a lot better, understand my body, and have more confidence.
But I’d argue that my career choice, at least initially, was as much to heal myself as it was to help others (moderately selfish, I know.), finally putting into practice all the facts and theories I’d learned over years of studying health and exercise, hoping that using them practically would finally make it all make sense.
Because I’d tried a lot over the years, probably much like you.
So let's have a moment of compassion for Old You, who's fighting super hard for her last breath. She finds her worth in her appearance and truly believes that the answer is restricting, thinking that the accompanying binging is a personality and willpower flaw, rather than a natural rebellion against a plan not meant for her. She's fighting to stay alive, because she's afraid of a new possibility: one in which she can explore, and where there's no way to truly mess up. We're exploring and finding the best system for you.
Let's also acknowledge that Old You will be interwoven into You 2.0, because Old You has important, valuable lessons to teach.
Not the least of which is, she gets overwhelmed and scared sometimes (like we all do) and doesn't like feeling that way (because, who tf does?).
Old You is like a rescue puppy who is kind of a jerk and wants to pee on everything just because she's never known what it's like to be safe and loved and cared for, but actually means well and is trying really hard (analogy stolen from Elizabeth Gilbert, whose post on compassion for self is worth a read or ten.).
We want to change. We're on board with not denying our past selves. But we don't know anything other than self-deprecation, self-flagellation, and adopting plans that have nothing to do with us.
SO WHAT DO WE DO??
What I DO want to discuss today, is that the "it" - YOUR "IT" - the thing your subconscious won't let you drop - is not just a looming, unreachable, would-be-nice goal, but a thing toward which we can take steps. Every day. All the time.
Not just when we're "ready," but also now.
NOTE: We're revisiting hinging strategies today, at the request of a few of you who want to learn how to alleviate back pain, keep your spines safe, and feel awesome when you pick things up. Feel free - always! - to email at any time with topic requests, questions, or concerns.
For a moment, consider that what we’re really doing when we “go on a diet” is utilizing a tool to get to a goal. It’s a means to an end.
Allowing for that, our goal is the goal (as in, the diet is not the goal; the dress or 400lb deadlift or feeling at peace is the goal.). And the tools we have (current pattern of eating) are not the right ones for the job (we can’t hammer a nail with a phone charger), so we’re looking to find the right tool for the job. Nothing over which to get too distracted; we just need to find the one that’s good enough for us to use consistently to get the job done. With me?
Gathering all this data, a year or so ago, after reading one from Dr. Brooke Kalanick (good resource for female hormones, particularly PCOS and Hashimoto’s, but also general mindset reading, if you’re into that.), I created my own body change manifesto. Rather than a bunch of rules, I wanted a way of approaching food that made me feel empowered, rather than defeated; that gave me permission to explore, rather than ascribing to any particular 12-week plan; that looked at me as a whole person, rather than just the foods I eat. Going back to the concept of active acceptance, knowing that we can choose to accept our bodies while still wanting them to change, our thoughts surrounding food become different: they become a declaration of independence, guidelines to our goals with a healthy dose of freedom. If you’d like to know what that would look like, mine is as follows:
Our worth isn't wrapped up in our dietary choices, our goals, or our appearance. We're meant for more than to obsess over these things, and, for some of us, the way out is to try many methods before we arrive at what will work for us to find our freedom. In the quest for personal development, physical and otherwise, we are all sojourners navigating our stops.
I'm not sure we ever truly arrive and stay. But I am sure that it's always our duty to accept and own where we are and allow others the space to do the same.
Before we continue, I’d like to point out that the scale isn’t always a measure of our progress. So many of us wrap our worth up in that number (been there), and it’s a far more fun (and lasting!) process to realize that we’re in these bodies for life. Fitness, whatever that may mean to each of us individually, is about exploration: we’re learning what movement we love, what foods serve us, how we can balance rest/relaxation/exercise/food to yield the greatest – and biggest! – possible life. Much like Mother Teresa, Wonder Woman didn’t sit around worrying about the size of her thighs; she had shit to do (and probably wanted them to be huge anyway). And so do you. So, before we go into what many of us worry about, I’d like to take a moment to pause, reflect, and get to the bottom of what we say we want: is our body change about feeling good, or about some arbitrary number we think will lead us to happiness, once we get there?
Nailing down the real reasons for our goals will help us sort out this dissonance- promise.
Knowing that I can choose be happy right this second, despite my circumstances, allows me to be grateful for all opportunities to improve. Knowing that I can choose to accept my body while still wanting it to change allows me to relax into the process and take an objective look about my methods.
Knowing that what I’m trying to do is feel more energetic, and certain foods make me feel bloated and tired, will help me to avoid those foods (dairy, nightshades, gluten, whichever potential allergen) to choose not the pizza (full of all 3, coincidentally) but a turkey burger instead. It doesn’t feel like deprivation (“I’m trying to get skinny, so I can’t have pizza” is a sad, sad statement.) but a benefit (because, “I’m trying to not feel like a beached whale every time I eat something I enjoy and would rather find something that I can enjoy and feel normal afterwards” is a much more fun mission). Hence, the exercise here: getting to the nitty gritty.
Today, I wanna address a few concerns that have come in to me from a very specific population…pregnant ladies and new mamas. There’s a fair amount of info in here, from answering whether or not we should lift during pregnancy to addressing a few body changes to a couple of exercises to begin healing the abdominal wall and pelvic floor starting from a few days postpartum. Buckle up!
Most importantly, embracing the post-baby body is a major key. The experience of pregnancy allows us to be more in tune, more fully aware, and more selfless with our bodies than we have ever been before, most likely. The experience of motherhood allows for weakness and vulnerability, for sure, but also for immense amounts of strength we never thought possible. Check out a few stories here that will hit you right in the feels on this one. Because, this experience is #WonderWomanLoading if I’ve ever known it.
I’m honored to be a part of your journey to create a bigger, more fulfilled, more honest life. The day I decided to step into my purpose not as a shrinking violet, but as a loud, muscular, direct (nasty? ;) ) woman was the day my life changed forever. I went from wondering how I could keep everyone happy to making sure I was happy and adding value from my overflow, from maintaining a job where I wasn’t appreciated or effective to designing my work and my life, and from doing hours of cardio on the elliptical that made me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty butter knife to lifting heavy things and finding empowerment in the hard stuff.
This is available to all of us, so time to get steppin'.
To train for physical strength is to train for mental strength. The iron is a proving ground, and it never lies to us: we can either lift the weight or we can’t. And when we discover that we can – and that we can do more than we imagined we could – we begin to discover that we can do other hard things too.
Every moment of every day presents a choice. We get to see it for what it is whenever we want to, and there’s no judgment: at every challenge, do we embrace our new #WonderWomanLoading mentality and expand, or do we stay small and safe? The time is right for either; we just have to choose. If we choose small one day, that’s okay, because we know that a new choice is right around the corner, and we’ve chosen big – and succeeded! – before, so we can do it again.
We can learn new skills. We can smash PRs. We can get to know who we really are and what we really want. We can deepen our intimacy and trust in relationships. We can pursue our passions. It’s all available to us; the door is wide open. We have to cultivate the courage and create the space to step through it.
There’s literally nothing I love more than the camaraderie amongst true fitness people in the gym. I’m not talking about the meatheads that slam things around (although I do my fair share of that) and bicep curl all day (in the squat rack…that’s not what it’s for, bro) and grunt and slam NO-Xplode and rub orange self-tanner all over the bench you wanted to use.
Not to knock them, because, do your thing, but my people are the ones who strive to improve every day. Who see the gym as a training ground for life, and who are there to motivate themselves and celebrate the accomplishments of others. They’re there – I promise! I know, because I’m one of them. And I have a few people that come at my same time of day, and every time we’re there together, we ask how the program is, how the goal is, how work is, how life is…everything.
And when one of them hits a new PR? Or has a business success? Or proposes to his girlfriend? FIREWORKS, MAN. We’re on this Earth to cheer each other on in this relentless pursuit of expansion. We’re all trying to do better, have better, and be better, so it’s important to find the ones who support our mission and push us to keep on loading, reminding us every time we stop or burn or almost quit that we are powerful and worthy of growth.
Few lifts will prove this as thoroughly as the deadlift.
![[#WonderWomanLoading] 8w Program!](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/575ab1663c44d8a71ac717dd/1490646909215-MRLMMUQAQFRSV1LMST4F/morning_warmup_by_nebezial-d8prdrj.jpg)
